why do serial cheaters want to stay married

Unfortunately, in most cases, a cheating husband doesnt change. My husbands whore flat out admitted that it took her a long time to get him to fall. This is especially common in men with low self-esteem. I am an introvert, not really concerned with appearances, grew up with many positive marriage role models, dislike talking on the phone or texting, emailing a lot. Relationship counselor and clinical sexologist Dr. Martha Tara Lee of. Yet often, a cheaters reasons for cheating have nothing to do with you and everything to do with their personality traits! Of course, at the time I did not know he was cheating on me in fact, I had to hear it from a third party 6 weeks after he broke up with me and I had moved out. As for your older female colleague and her recommendations, she is right and it has always been my attitude, even prior to being married. Major Signs And How To Deal With Her -. In some cases, he may crave the variety of different women in his life. However, this is a question only you can answer as every situation is different. Why do serial cheaters want to stay married? - zoyahelp.com So in all the cases the husband is unappreciated by the cold, frigid wife, all the OW have husbands/boyfriends who drink, abuse them, gamble, whatever the excuse to justify. My 16 year old daughter finally caught them and its scarred her for life. Hating you or wanting to smash your face is her normal knee jerk reaction to his bad behavior. He tells himself it will never happen again. She was very smart and cunning with how she played him, she fed him her sob stories, and then he thought she was such a poor thing, she knew he would start telling her things. Eyes, I do not see you in the same type of light as other other women. They may feel unsatisfied in some way. It kind of makes me sad that you still care about this wellbeing because, in a way, he is still being able to take from you, albeit in a whole different way than before. Someone here put it very succinctly .. Its a chicken and egg scenario. She doesnt feel bad about hoeing around behind her boyfriends back. I have copied and pasted your questions with answers below . document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. We do things as husband and wife, but I an tell we are not intimately connected. Because of that, they're less likely to seek it out again. Im not an expert but thats not a good sign, still feeling sympathy toward affair partner. Thankyou Sarah, but honestly its ok. She knows men like that about some woman. Very cold, no consciouse that I ever saw. For some, this is so true, and they become serial cheaters. How did the affair evolve and what were some of the clues the wife could have seen? In most cases these decent women just could not see through the narcs insincere flattery. Narcissists smell that out just like sharks smell blood. I would tell him it would behoove him to be totally honest. Most cheaters do not intend to cheat. When you said you felt like you had to be someone that you were not when your H cheated, I remembered how my fiance was trying to get me to be a more boisterous and socially aggressive person. Sometimes, the husband cheated but doesn't want divorce out of guilt. More important is to trust ourselves and be aware. Serial cheaters consistently cheat on their partners, even when they're in committed, monogamous relationships. Oh Eyes, I am so, so sorry if I made you feel bad You know that was NOT my intention. Any information gives her power. Some things that may contribute are: Narcissistic supply Narcissists feed off attention and a single relationship does not always give them what they need,. 12 Reasons Unveiled. On the other hand, they still prefer a safe and comfortable marriage life. So they want both comfort zone and dont wanna break the marriage. "They're very vague when it comes to telling you about their life . I hope this was helpful. (There are sincere compliments that normal people give each other and then there are the over the top compliments and flattery that narcs give.). Here are some common traits that repeat cheaters share. When married people cheat, you would expect the marriage to end in divorce. I spent a year being told the problems in our marriage were due to me, so I tried to fix me. Trust me, these women know what theyre doing. (But, I also know he talks a lot about our marriage in an extremely positive light. She told him to call the ow suspect on a speakerphone and he had to say the following : Ive just told xxx (my wife) everything. Catching your partner cheating is one of the most painful things that you can experience in a relationship. It shocked him, when he saw I chose to fight for him. My husband does have a part in this and here is what it is: he is the type of guy who is so affable that he has no enemies. He some balls asking you to keep his secret. What Garrett is basically saying is that serial cheaters are either sociopaths who dont feel guilt or remorse about sleeping around, or theyve simply cheated so much that their brains have adapted to their sinful, adulterous ways, and they dont care anymore. Especially those who have been caught before and not tossed out on their ass. 7.3K Followers. The affair made him realize how good he has it. If he didnt want to talk to the ow, he would turn his phone off. His needs are paramount and everyone else exists just to fill them. But, in terms of staying or going, I believe that the above knowledge coupled with what your gut tells you to do can help you make the decision. He is extremely cautious. As my dad says, men, just like dinosaurs, have two brains one in their head and one in their tail. Does he seem sincere and willing to change? He started electronics school and started drinking again with a guy after school. He is going to find out what it means to try to rely on someone who is only a mirage a temporary mingling of smoke and mirrors. Honestly, when I cheated on my girlfriend I had no idea why I did it. Thanks everyone for your wisdom, kindness and time SR, TH, SP and Gizfield. 15 months ago I would not have imagined what Im dealing with now, courtesy of an ea(?) There are plenty of men who run off and cheat on their wives, creating another relationship before leaving. He remembered that high, that exhilaration of the drug, his drug of choice. I am angered that your in-laws treat you badly and that the OW is even seen at family functions. I didnt stand up for myself, I believed my lying h over my vomiting body and I let myself down as much as he let me down. But more importantly, they will do their best to prove to you that they're going to be faithful moving forward. He doesnt want to break up the family, 4. She had actually by this time though, the day he told her to stop, she had told him that she wanted him to leave me, he told her no. My h knew before how much he meant to me, and now he knows even more, and he shows me more than ever before. What are the warning signs of a cheating partner? I thought through this, and decided it was an exceptionally clever tactic. He got married to the woman and they even went to my ex business partners vacation home for their honeymoon. The lows are low and the highs are high! Saw the previews and it looks like the wife and the (several) mistresses of a married man gang up on him together after they all discover each other. Same here. Compulsive cheaters will go to great lengths to hide that behavior from a partner. In the beginning of every relationship, there's a honeymoon phase when everything's coming up roses, and you can't keep your hands off each other. I saw a few days later a donation that he had made, not from him and I, but for him and his ow, because that was what she wanted. This kind of behavior, however, is a reflection of something deeply rooted inside of them. My h did send his whore a birthday card and trinket along with a card with comment s that will make you blush after he told me he wanted to be married to me. Your husband is NOT one of the incorrigibles. The lengths that this guy would go to were more skilled than almost anything I had seen or read about. Hopefully he will never let his guard down, I know I wont. The very act of sneaking around may also excite them. Recent statistics from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy confirm that over 57% of men and 54% of women admit to cheating. I would rather have been labeled bat shit crazy a year ago than experiencing my life now. Thats what affairs are, webs of deceit that just grow and grow the longer they allow them to go on. The tendency of a narcissist to cheat on a partner comes from a combination of factors. Anyone can be unfaithful, but while you shouldn't necessarily base your judgments off of the stereotypical cheats you see depicted in Hollywood, there are some common personality traits cheaters share. Ultimately, we can only predict what a person might do, rather than know with 100% what they will do. This, in my opinion, keeps you too tied to him in your mind. That doesnt mean I dont like them, Ive just moved on I guess. Think twice about giving a second chance when: Your partner had an affair with an ex-partner. I puzzled on that a long time too. If you've been cheated on, you've probably wondered why your partner made that hurtful decision in the first place. Liar, cheater, just plain mean. Why do cheating husbands stay married? Strength, My kids will be taught what an older female colleague told me: When a man at work complains about his marriage, tell him he should be having this conversation with his wife, then walk away. If she wants to have you BOTH over for dinner then accept and show her how fantastic a relationship you have with him. Im no psychiatrist but Im learning to spot those Narcs a mile away. 4 Little Things Compulsive Cheaters Have In Common | SELF Lol. He never really believed it, I guess until now. They like deceit. The answer is complicated and multi-faceted. The constant fear of getting caught cheating might be exciting to them. Talk about not knowing that you dont shit where you eat!!! I read this site on my phone , and Doug has explained about the cache problems but what happens is that as well as not updating sometimes it actually does download some comments but not ALL of them. One day, I think it would be useful for me to list all the things he said about his w and me about my h cos frankly we probably all read from the same script !! He sees himself as belonging to a 'dog eats dog world' where no one is loyal. One that I would not get involved with, ever. "Women's greatest fear is they'll become bag ladies," says Gilda Carle, Ph.D . Bring wine and snacks, Ill help:). The other ones he keeps for himself. They also may enjoy living two separate lives. TH we are in the new house :-). Nothing special just a normal business contact. It amazes me how just about every article in the world on affairs always says he did this and he did that. She believed he was only with me because if the children, because she was so wonderful, why would he stay with the wicked wife, unless for the children. Th, those damn sob stories. They think they do, they think they know what the wife is all about, but they dont always have a clue. (Or at least that was the case in the information technology industry). What's even more disturbing about cheaters is that not only do they know what to say, they know how to say it, and how to carry themselves so that their body language doesn't give away a lie. They found that what they term as sexual personality is the most likely factor to increase the likelihood that people will cheat. In the comments to my previous posts on adultery, one recurring theme dealt with "serial" adulterers, people whose behavior shows a pattern of repeated cheating.This can involve repeated affairs . This is deplorable. I like tough love and honesty. In some cases . This leads to a lot of shame from society. Leaving a marriage, no matter what the circumstance, is very difficult. I mean who really wants to be with someone who is always complaining and continues to live in such a seemingly miserable existance if all their complaints about their spouses are true. They are masters at seeming believable," Wish explained. What happened to non-bias information? He never really quit again, and made my life a living hell to the day he died. Im not trying to disturb you or upset you in any way . There was never any resolution to his parents behavior and they never changed. Why Do People Keep Cheating? A Pyschologist Explains The Mind Of A I dated a serial cheater: three women share their horror stories Amen. But the problem started long before, when she dated and soon broke up with her college boyfriend because he was seeing other women. Michelle Brown. Giz Im an introvert and have many of the traits you speak of. One of the main reasons is Serial Cheaters dont have any backup or exit plan to divorce their partner cause they never thought of getting caught. Others who aren't as exposed to cheating, may do it one time when the opportunity presents itself, feel remorse afterward, and never do it again. Why Do Married Men Cheat And Stay Married? - The Minds Journal It was amazing to hear the iron-clad lies this guy had and also how devoid of any conscience he was. Im not jealous, but Im not putting up with that shit either. I learned this hard lesson years ago when I lost my fiance to his affair partner prior to the wedding. Blame their exes way too much. He knew how to do it. Why Narcissists are Serial Cheaters - BLUE CRYSTAL SKY Your mind is a constant hamster running on a wheel. Keep in mind, they're chronic liars, but they're not smarter than everyone else. Do I feel bad about myself due to this? Dont care that these men are married, dont care they turn the attention away. Sarah, I know there wasnt much I could have done to stop my h ea, it started when he was overseas, so I was out of sight out of mind to him, that was until he had to face me, with what he had done. This person sounds dangerous. He IS a tosser! Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. Only you know what is right for you. What an empowering letter. Its probably going to be against his grain but he HAS to make her think he thinks she stupid and def not that he feels any kind of sympathy/empathy for her. Serial cheaters get and stay married because on some level they too want a companion to share their life with. However, an affair can just be an affair if both partners are committed to restoring faith and honesty. I could not have predicted the way this thread would go a year ago I am bowled over by your compassion! But not only are a cheater's secrets not fun, they're rarely shared with anyone. The OW he had the affair with was everything my husband found abhorrent as well. Zeynep Yenisey. I dont care how ignorant they are. When my friend tried to leave for good, he turned up the heat and was quasi-stalking her. By the time he was ripe for the picking, she knew all she needed to do was get him by himself, where I would not be any where near him, and that was getting him to pay for her ticket to see her family, he feel for it, paid for her ticket, unknown to me, and that was it. Malfunction: Confessions of a Serial Cheater | Observer (She is, by the way, a lovely woman and cute as a button). I want you to stop blaming yourself and see the MM for who he really is and NOT who you wanted to believe him to be. 13 Things to Consider, 2. If your h is setting boundaries and saying no an affair wont happen! In reality, many men stay married after infidelity. 6 Things Couples Need To Know About Surviving Repeated Infidelity There are subtle, insidious ways in which a married man who cheats on a regular basis can seduce a smart woman. My h said I dont care if you stay or go because you need to fix this inside yourself. Always trying to be entertaining, engaged, funny, etc. "Even if the relationship is brand new, or they have nothing to hide, old habits die hard," Amica Graber, relationship expert for SafeSwipe, tells Bustle. How do you put a face to infidelity? But, if you both decide to give your marriage another chance, there must be uncompromising compassion toward . Instead, infidelity is linked with bad decisions, improper situations, and inadequate communication with a partner.. PS- How Being A Mistress Changed My Perception Of Marriage Just found out about my husbands second sexual affair. I hope the next 23 years are the best ever! What a good thing you did, apologising and informing her that you are not a threat to her marriage, and that she has nothing yo fear, you will not be contacting her h again. I just have NO tolerance for those that continue to run roughshod through their own lives, wreaking havoc on others with no impunity is when I get all judgmental. if someone is sleeping with multiple partners. You were both actually victims of this guys narcissism. In fact, in the past few months, I am still having to put up boundaries with one of his female co-workers because she will not give up. This guy played you and Im sure it hurts to think that. If you were the type of ow I had to deal with, I would have thought myself lucky. As for his wife, if her reaction to you is true, she obviously did not see her husbands contribution and that indicates he was playing both of you like a violin. No matter how uncomfortable the conversation will be, one-time cheaters will tell you the truth of what happened. In my free time, I'm usually traveling, hiking, or trying a new kind of tea. The study, which was published in the scientific journal Nature Neuroscience, found that each time a person lies, they feel less and less culpable. These types do not scare off just because you two pronounce your happy marriage. So, I do not believe this is a way to make in roads with us as a couple. I was humiliated at family functions she attended. Dont even get me started on how furious I am that your children are caught in all of this. Another one of the most common reasons cheating husbands stay married is fear of what they might be losing. Imagine how devastating it is to learn that your partner, the person in whom you had complete trust and to whom you pledged your love in front of God, friends, and family, is a repeat philanderer? I guess, I gave her the ammunition she needed to get my h to help her, and potentially leave his family for her. Your experience sounds really rough, so I doubt you would ever want to repeat it. Why Do Serial Cheaters Want to Stay Married? [deleted] 6 mo. So one of the facts is theyll go anywhere to find a hookup. She figured that way, he would have no contact with me, he would not need to give me child support, yet I would have to give him child support instead, so her little pocket stays full of money. They think society's rules don't apply to them, i.e., they are sociopathic narcissists. I actually told my h that we should celebrate it as our 21st, because the last two years were a nightmare and just didnt seem to be like we were really married, lol because of his ea, and it felt like we lost two years of our life. But a locked phone especially, Susan Winter said, is a dead giveaway. Eventually that all dies down, but even though you might not be showering one another with the same attention or affection that you were at the start of it all, typically, Nothing a cheater does is your fault, but the second. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. I would tell her that you and your husband will be forced to seek advice from HR if she does not stop this behavior immediately. Here's What To Do If You Can't Stop Cheating On Your Partners Answer (1 of 6): We get stuck in the cycle of abuse. History goes along way for a wife, and a husband, we wives know everything there is to know about our husbands, and they know all there is to know about us. What this man thinks of you is or should be is completely irrelevant. If youve enjoyed reading this article, let us know by commenting below and sharing it. 2.No Backup or Exit Plan: One of the main reasons is Serial Cheaters don't have any backup or exit plan to divorce their partner cause they never thought of getting caught. Heh heh. But, I am always extremely nice to her and everyone else at the office. Listen to your gut. I am not shy but he made me blush and nervous and heaped a lot of praise and attention on me. These needs may be sexual or emotional. Yes, yes, yes, listen to the gut! These traits just make him more than likely to have affairs and continue having them. Even to drag him down, and then to continue to drag him down the longer he kept seeing her.

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